It’s been a month since my last post and it’s time for an update. I started writing yesterday and after a conversation lat last evening with my Sir I decided to change the content of this post.
Yes, I want to tell you all about my sexploits but I also need to say a few words about this journey I’ve undertaken and what I’ve learned in the process.
First, I’ve immersed myself in the local scene. There are people and groups of every kind hosting event after event. Some are learning exercises, some are social, and some are play dates. At every turn I’ve met like minded, caring people, willing to help this newbie acclimate to the sub culture.
My Sir and I have grown closer and more comfortable with each other over the past month. Our level of trust has increased in equal measure. We’ve shared meals at each other’s home and there may have been an overnight stay involved with one. He offered my behind for “birthday spankings” recently…several takers and multiple bare handed swats apiece. I also experienced full restraint and blindfold on a bed and that’s all I’ll say about that except, wow, when are we doing that again?
He continues to test my limits with impact play. I’ve grown accustomed and he is able to dial up the kind of toys he uses…in other words, it’s taking more to leave marks. My body responds to the lash of a flogger or the strike of a cane and I’m still amazed by that fact. He is pleased with my performance and my submission while we’re in scene.
When not at the club or with others in the scene, our relationship is comfortable, caring, even jovial, cutting up, trading jabs and a lot of laughing. He has implemented a few rules regarding behavior and protocols but nothing restrictive. He’s provided encouragement every step of the way.
There’s a but and that brings me to the conversation we had last evening and my reflection afterward.
I was raised to help those in need whether human or animal. If someone is a guest in my home, I take care of their needs. If I’m a guest in someone else’s home, I offer my assistance, whether preparing a meal or cleaning the kitchen afterward.
I worked in a hierarchical organiztion for 30+ years with members of the military at it’s head. Saying “yes Sir” or ” no Sir” rolls off my tongue as easy as my name. I always put the mission of my employer first and there was no one better at customer service skills, whether on the phone or in person.
I’ve been an independent thinker most of my life and am both financially and physically sound. I was always viewed as a leader when I was younger and admit I could be a bit bossy sometimes. I started at the bottom of the food chain when I went to work and finished at the top of it. Some days I don’t think I have a submissive bone in my body but my up-bringing always puts me in “let me please you” mode.
So, where I am today is still confused. I understand the principles of submission but I am not ready for anyone to call me their submissive or their slave cause I’m just not feeling it. Instead, I’ll do everything I can to make my Sir happy and give him the respect he deserves. In return, what I need is a sense of belonging, a physical touch, a connection, a soft place to fall when I screw up, someone who has my back when my wings stretch out preparing to take flight. That’s all I can hope for right now. To be continued…